A Woman's Place

I love to read, so there are days when I log onto blogger and just press the "next blog" button to see what people are writing about. There are some blogs that I immediately pass by, and there are others that I like enough to actually add to my blogger reading list and visit again.

A blog that I recently found was written by a female preacher. As I read a few posts, looking for the place where she explained where it was okay to be a female preacher, I was amazed at how much this person seemed to whine and complain about her chosen profession. Many of her posts were complaints about being a woman in a man's world.

I have seen other posts like this before - from bloggers that claim to be Christian writers and teachers, but support gay rights, abortion, and tons of other issues that are blatantly against the teachings of Christ.

The thing that upsets me the most about this is that there are people out there in cyberspace that are unknowingly being taught false doctrine through these kind of blogs and websites. It's something that we all know will happen. Throughout the Bible, we are warned that people will try to twist the Gospel and teach false doctrine. In 2 Peter 2:1, Peter said, "But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction."

I am especially upset by what I call "Christian feminism." Apparently, there are a lot of Christian people (women and men) that get hung up on this issue. There are people that cringe at the sound of the word "submission" when it comes to a wife submitting to her husband. Others believe that the only reason women were not included in church leadership in the Bible is because of the rules of society at the time.

First of all, let's examine the example that Jesus set for us. When it was time for Him to choose His disciples - the top twelve people that would carry on His ministry when He was gone - He chose twelve men. Jesus was not about conforming to the society He lived in. During His ministry, He upset all the religious leaders because He did things that were socially unacceptable. He ate with publicans and sinners. He healed people on the Sabbath Day. He talked to a promiscuous woman at a well in Samaria. None of those things were "politically correct," so I don't think that Jesus did anything to conform to the world. After all, He is the one that told us NOT to conform to the world in His sermon on the mount in Matthew 5:13-16.

There is a reason that He placed men in these leadership roles. From creation, God ordained men to have dominion over all things (Genesis 1:28). Then, when He created women, He created them to be a "help meet" for man (Genesis 2:18). Men were created to be leaders. Women were created to be helpers.

God has filled His Word with instructions to both men and women. Before we examine the roles of men and women in church positions, let's look at the roles God assigned to men and women in the family.

Ephesians 5:22-25 says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."

God created man to be the head of the household. Women, no matter how much it makes you cringe to hear it, we are supposed to submit to our husbands.

I think the reason that so many women have problems with these verses is because they misinterpret the word "submit." These verses do not mean that your husband can be a dictator. They don't mean that when he yells "jump" you have to ask "how high?". These verses actually give men a huge responsibility. They mean that men have to strong leaders. Men have to be able to make important decisions. Men should be rooted in the Word of God so they can spiritually lead a family. And men have to be willing to be the protectors and providers for their wives and children.

In reality, those verses should be encouraging for women. In those verses, I read that my husband should love me like Christ loved the church. Do you realize that God is commanding your husband to love you with a love that is so pure and deep and strong that it can't even be fathomed? Basically, these verses are telling us to trust in our husbands and look to them for leadership. In return, our husbands are supposed to romance us and cherish us and love us! I think that sounds like a pretty sweet deal.

So in our families, God expects the man to be the head of the household. Does that mean that He wants all women to stay home and be the picture perfect housewife like June Cleaver? Absolutely not. Read Proverbs 31:10-31. The Proverbs 31 woman worked outside her home and helped provide for her family. She purchased real estate, worked a vineyard, managed maidens, raised children, helped the poor... AND she honored her husband. She submitted to him and trusted him, and he could trust in her (vs. 11).

God created women to be creative. He gave us organizational skills and leadership skills that we can use in many different ways. Women can be doctors, lawyers, teachers, authors...ANYTHING they want to be. And He wants women to work in the church. He didn't give us talents so that we can hide them and let them go to waste (check out the Parable of Talents in Matthew 24). He wants us to use our talents for Him!

In 1 Timothy, Paul talks about the roles of men and women in the church. He makes it clear in Chapter 3 that men are to have the leadership roles within the church. In 1 Timothy 2:9-15, he talks about women being modest and godly and says, "I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." This is especially a touchy verse. Some people like to think that Paul only said this because of the cultural rules of the time, but we've already learned that the customs of the world don't have any influence on the ways of God. Others like to take this verse to extremes and say that women have no place in the church, but that's not the case either.

Titus 2:2-5 says, "The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed."

God chose men to be leaders in the church (according to 1 Timothy 3:1-13), but He has a place for women there, too. He needs us to work teaching children and ministering to other women and supporting the men that He placed in leadership roles over us.

I like the fact that God created women to be the softer more gentle sex. I like that He created men to be our protectors and providers. I like the fact that He has a place for me, even though it's not in the spotlight. After all, working for God is not about gaining glory or recognition. It's about submitting to God's will, trusting His plan and respecting His authority.

In fact, that is exactly why I think God set men in dominion over women. There are many times in the Bible where our relationship with Christ is compared to marriage. We, as the church, are called the Bride of Christ. Christ is often compared to a groom, while God is our Heavenly Father.

Husbands are supposed to love their wives like Christ loved the church. We are to submit to our husbands' authority like we would submit to Christ. According to 2 Corinthians 3:17, "...where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." We find freedom when we commit our lives to Christ and submit to His will.

Think about how "free" you would feel if you stopped struggling against the role you were created to fulfill. When we surrender to the fact that we are the weaker sex and let the men in our lives fulfill the leadership roles they were created for, when we submit to our husbands, it takes stress off our shoulders. It makes our lives more harmonious and makes us free to find and fulfill our God-designed roles in our home, church, community and world.

Family February

For the month of February, Bro. Rick preached about families.

Our families are the cornerstone of all our other relationships - at church, school, and work. Our families have the power to make us confident and strong in our faith, or they have the power to make us feel fear, doubt and failure.

Satan knows that the family is important to God. God has set up an order for the family, and Satan does all he can to disrupt this order. Satan wants to see our families fall apart. He wants to see us struggle, fight and disagree.

While God celebrates at marriage, Satan celebrates at divorce. God celebrates at the birth of a baby; Satan celebrates at an abortion. God celebrates when families pray together; Satan celebrates when families curse at one another.

Satan is the enemy of strong, happy families. Look at how he works in the world. You've probably heard, "Happy families don't sell" when reality TV families fall apart. It's sad and true. We, as a nation, don't embrace the true meaning of family. We want to see the drama and tension and fights. How sad that some families are willing to sacrifice their relationships with each other for fame, greed or pride.

Pride is a big problem in the family, especially for women in today's society. We're told by people in magazines and on TV that we need to be "Super Woman." Career, fame, recognition, money, family...we can have it all!

That may be true by society's standards, but when you look at God's standards, where is a woman's place in the family?

We can have careers, but our families should come first. Money is nice, but it's not a substitute for spending time with your children. Recognition and fame are slippery slopes, and it's hard to keep a godly perspective on your life when you're living in that.

Does that mean that we're limited to the kitchen? Absolutely not. God has given us gifts and talents and He expects us to use them for His glory. Women can be doctors, lawyers, writers, teachers, dancers, actresses, singers...

But no matter what we are in the corporate world, when we come home, we are expected to submit ourselves to our husbands. We should be chaste, modest, and trustworthy. We should help provide for the needs of our families and other's families. We are not to be lazy or idle. We should work with our hands and be good stewards of our family's resources. We should speak with kindness and speak of the things of the Lord. (Proverbs 31:10-31)

While the man is the head of the household, we serve as the backbone of the family. It's a huge responsibility. We shouldn't feel burdened by this, because it's a gift from God. He gave us, the weaker sex, the ability to bring forth life. He gave us the gifts and talents we would need to fill the role that He designed for us.

Satan loves to see us struggle to break out of God's design for our families. He likes to see us fight amongst ourselves about who is in charge. He likes to see husbands and wives that can't agree, children that are disrespectful, and families that never slow down enough to really know each other.

Here are few things to remember about God's design for the family...

1. The Parents' Obligation to the Family

• Christ must be the cornerston of the family (Ephesians 5:22, 25)
• Our devotion to God should leave no question to our devotion to our spouse and family.
• Loving God means loving people.
• Communication is crutial (1 Peter 3:5-7 and 1 Corinthians 7:1-5)
• Our committments must be kept (Genesis 2:24)
• Other than your committment to God, your committment to your spouse is the most important (Mark 10:9)
• We need to be committed to our family's spiritual well-being (Joshua 24:15)

2. The Children's Role in the Family

• Children should honor and obey their parents (Exodus 20:12)
• Children should fear the Lord (Proverbs 1:7-9 - "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge...")
• We must educate our children in the things of the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:5-8)
• We should teach by example, showing our children how to be dedicated to God, His Word, His Church, and His People (Proverbs 6:6-8)

3. The Church's Obligation to the Family

• Our obligation, as a church, is not to the building we worship in, but to the people we worship with.
• We as a church, are a family, held together by the love of Christ.
• We should provide families with positive communication (Philippians 4:8)
• We should provide families with help in physical, financial, and SPIRITUAL matters
• We should pray for families in our church and community (James 5:14-16)
• We should desire to see families be saved and become part of our church family

"...Choose you this day whom ye will serve...but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

Martha, Martha, Martha

"She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar. She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land. She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all." Proverbs 31:13-29

Ruby and I had a lunch date planned, but I have to admit that I really didn't want to go see her today. I especially didn't want to meet with her after I read her list of domestic accomplishments...



It was like having lunch with Martha Stewart. And the question that was on the forefront of my mind the entire time was "how does she do it all?"



How does she do it all?



She works with her hands, brings food to her family, makes sure her family is well fed and clothed, makes her own clothes (and they're really nice clothes), makes linen and sells it, is never idle, and is called blessed by her husband and children.



How do you measure up to that? I don't even come close.



But are Ruby's domestic accomplishments the most important things for us to strive towards? I don't think so. And neither does popular Christian author, Vicki Courtney. In her book The Virtuous Woman: Shattering the Superwoman Myth, she said this about the virtuous woman:

"Unfortunately, many Christian women shy away from this passage as they measure themselves up against her domestic resume. I recently plugged the term Proverbs 31 into an Internet search engine and was amazed at the number of references it identified. Many were home pages containing such things as recipes, gardening tips, sewing patterns, and parenting advice. Some were very enjoyable to read, while others were disturbing. One Internet site actually claimed that to be a virtuous woman you must cook, clean, sew, garden, and be a stay-at-home mother. Another made the point that you are out of God's will if you wear pants, short hair, or choose a method other than homeschooling to educate your children. If that were true, one, two, three strikes - I'm out! If the passage is to be taken literally, we're all in trouble. The Proverbs 31 woman didn't just sew; she made her own thread! ("She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands" [Prov. 31:13]). It is easy to come away assuming that the ideal woman in God's eyes is a Bible-toting Martha Stewart.

Does your definition of the ideal woman closely align with the outward actions of the Proverbs 31 woman? ...Don't be fooled into thinking virtue simply means a return to the kitchen. If you're like me, you come up woefully short when it comes to cooking, cleaning, gardening, and sewing. But the good news is that virtue runs much deeper than domestic abilities. Virtue must first begin in the heart. We desperately need to fill our hearts and minds with God's real standard to be a virtuous woman. I believe God intended the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 for far more than to depress us. He wants us to explore who is woman was on the inside. What made her tick? What would she be like today?" The Virtuous Woman by Vicki Courtney, pages 17-18

Does that mean we have a free pass that says we don't have to cook, clean or help provide for our families? No. But it does mean that we don't have to be perfect.



God is more concerned with what's going on in our hearts than He is with how many dirty socks are on the bedroom floor. He created us with specific responsibilities when it comes to our families, and He expects us to try our best to fulfill His plan, but He knows that we can't do everything and be everywhere.



Even Ruby understood that all her domestic accomplishments were just an outward showing of a pure heart full of God's love.



Verse 15 says "She riseth also while it is yet night..." Ruby knew that her days were going to be packed. I have friends that have young children, and they all say that they have to either get up early or stay up late to get time alone with God. Ruby did, too. She had to get up early, while the rest of the house was quiet, and get that time alone with God to start her day.



Once her heart was in the right place, God guided her through her day and blessed the works of her hands.

So, what does Ruby have to say about being compared to Martha Stewart? She shakes her head and grins. "You have to remember that all of those things weren't done in one day. It took me a lifetime to get all those things done. And the verses didn't mention all the times I was ready to pull my hair out and call it quits." She sips her coffee and sighs. "You just have to take it one day at a time, and know that on the days when you burn the biscuits and the kids are screaming and the floor is
sticky...that God is still in control."

What's in a name?

She walked into the cafe where we had planned to meet and smiled warmly at the waitress that greeted her. I watched her scan the crowd and waved when her eyes settled on me. She smiled and slid into the booth across from me.

I have to admit, I was a little nervous. When the waitress walked over to take our order, I breathed a sigh of relief and tried to gather my thoughts. I felt like I was about to interview a movie star or something.

Once we had our coffee and cake (yes, even Ruby has a weakness for chocolate, it seems...), we got down to business. I had so many questions for her. How did she become so wise? What was it that she had done to be so successful? Was being the "ideal woman" a goal of hers, or did it just kind of happen? And how did she get the name Ruby?

We had a lot to talk about, and she was gracious enough to give me a little insight into her world. Guess what? She's not that different from you and me...

"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." Proverbs 31:10

I read a story in a magazine once about a woman that got a very unique engagement ring. Instead of a diamond, which is expected, her fiance gave her a ruby. She was confused at first, but didn't want to ask him why he didn't get her a diamond because she wasn't sure how he would take the question. She loved her ring, diamond or not, and happily said "yes" and agreed to become his bride.

Later, when she got home, she was looking at the ring and realized that there was an inscription on the band. It said "Proverbs 31:10." Of course, she found her Bible and flipped to the passage. There she read "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." After reading the verse, she called her fiance and thanked him again for her extra special ring - a reminder of how much he loved and valued her.

I can't remember what magazine I was reading, but I have never forgotten the story. I love that this woman and her husband have such a special, godly connection. That's something I hope to find someday.

And it made her question why a diamond is the accepted gem chosen for engagement rings instead of rubies...

What's so special about a ruby anyway? Why would the writer of this proverb compare a virtuous woman to that particular gem? Well, I did a little research (www.middletownchurch.org/homefam/prov31.htm) and found out that in Bible times, a ruby may have actually been a rare pink pearl. Pink pearls were only found in clams in the Red Sea and they were extremely rare. Anyone that had one valued it greatly.

Proverbs 31 was written as a guide for young men to help them know how to find a good wife. The writer wanted to stress to them that a good wife is hard to find, and that once you find one, you should value her as you would a precious jewel.

So what does that mean for women like us today? Well, think about the way you live. Are you living a virtuous life? Are you walking in a way that makes your Heavenly Father proud? Can He look at your life and smile and say that you are as precious as a ruby?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell
as sweet." Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare (Act 2, Scene 2, Lines 1-2)

Ruby stirred some sugar into her coffee and smiled. "I love my name," she said. "It reminds me how special and unique God made me. And I wouldn't want to be called anything else."

Coffee with Ruby

She's very intimidating. She has it all together and she makes a normal gal like me look like a slacker. She's the kind of woman that you would love to hate, but she's just so sweet and kind that you can't make yourself dislike her.

She's the ideal wife and mother, a good business woman, a good boss, and even a kind and thoughtful friend. Her talents are endless - she's a great cook (she even grows some of her own food - talk about organic), she has a knack for crafts and even makes some money off her sewing hobby, and she can help you solve almost any problem. If she can't help you, her husband can, because he is one of the most influential men in town.

And did I mention that her husband loves her dearly? That's right. He treats her like a queen. And her kids think she's the coolest and even tell their little friends how much they love their awesome mother.

She's got some life, doesn't she?

But you know all about that, right? You do know her, don't you?

No, she's not from Stepford or Wisteria Lane. She's not from a fairy tale, but you might say that she's as rare as Cinderella's glass slipper.

So, "Who is she?" you ask.

King Lemuel's mother introduced her to me, but she never told me her name. I think I've heard someone call her "Ruby" a time or two, but I'm not really sure why...

But I'm sure that we'll find out soon. After all, we're going to be spending a lot of time with her over the next few days. I can't wait to hear all her tips and secrets for what makes her so successful. I know that you're probably wondering what they are just as much as I am.

So grab a cup of coffee and settle in for a chat with Ruby and me. We're going to see how she does it all, and Who helps her along the way. After all, she wasn't born a virtuous woman...


Join me during the rest of this month as I get to know the Proverbs 31 woman. Check back tomorrow for our first chat with Ruby and we'll find out how she got her nickname and what it means... See you then!