God created women to be a help meet for men. (Gen. 2:18)
A virtuous woman has a honorable husband. (Prov. 31:23)
Young women are commanded to love their husbands. (Titus 2:3-5)
The older women are to teach the younger women how to do so. (Titus 2:3-5)
Women are to submit to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22)
I understand all that.
God has a plan for the way a home and a family works. The man is the head of the household and the woman is his supporter and helper. She submits to his authority, he loves her like Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:22-25).
So what does that mean for a single woman today? If you don't have a husband, what does all of that mean to you?
I'm beginning to wonder if this is one of those questions that is unanswerable... You know the kind - like why do children die of cancer? And if God tells us to be fruitful and multiply then why do people have problems with infertitlity?
Why do some people have to go through life alone?
It seems like such a heavy cross to bear, but Paul considered being single a blessing:
"I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them to abide even as I." I Corinthians 7:7-8
I can understand what he was saying there. When you're single, sometimes the only person you have to talk to is God. That can really deepen your relationship with Him, while if you were married or in a romantic relationship you probably would spend that precious time with another person instead of spending it with God.
Plus, the people in Corinth were having problems within their marriages. He continues the chapter with warnings against divorce and fornication.
He even encourages the young, single men and women in verse 25: "Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful."
Be faithful.
Those two words are encouraging and discouraging at the same time. It's good to know that you can always count on God, but it can be so hard to wait on His timing. It's always worth it, but that doesn't make the wait any easier.
So what does all this mean for people like me - people that hope to someday be married, but just haven't gotten there yet? Paul sums it up pretty well in 1 Corinthians 7:34b "The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit."
We are to be faithful and remain pure and holy.
A hard task? Sometimes it can be. But God has His reasons.
God says "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you," in Matthew 7:7. He wants His children to be happy. Tell Him about your dreams and desires. And have hope for the future, but don't spend so much time living in the future that you forget to enjoy the present.
Showing posts with label singles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label singles. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Called to Wait
I've never liked waiting for things. If there's something I want, I want it now. Patience is a virtue, and it is one that I am constantly working on and stuggling to practice.
I recently read an article about the Biblical roles of men and women in relationships. This is something I have noticed a lot of Christian writers and speakers focusing on lately, and I think it's because our culture tries to tell us that the sexes are equal. We are taught from society that women can do anything men can do and vice versa. We are taught that men and women were created equally, but when you look into the Scripture, you can see that is not the case.
God created men to be leaders. He gave them practical minds and leadership skills. He gave them dominion over all the other creatures of the world.
God created women to be helpers. He made them nurturing. He gave them the gifts of creativity and multi-tasking and the wonderful priveledge of bringing life into the world.
He created us very differently, because He had designed two very different roles for us to fill.
The article I read ("Designed To Be Different" by Candice Watters, The Brink Magazine, Fall 2010, Randall House Publishing) talked about these differences and how they affect our relationships. One part that especially stuck out to me was:
"My friend Carolyn McCulley illustrated one of these differences in a talk she gave about romance, 'Men trust God by risking rejection. Women trust God by waiting.' We're equally called to trust, but in different ways.
That's hard to hear. Why the difference? For women, it feels passive. For both, unfair. Yet from Genesis forward, God made male and female distinct. We are the same at the cross, equally in need of redemption, equally invited to receive it. But in our sexuality, we are not the same."
That's something I have never thought about before. Male and female are both called to trust God when it comes to relationships, but in different ways. And I have to admit, its a hard thing to do.
Because just like Mrs. Watters said in her article, waiting feels so passive. Finding a spouse is one of the most important things we will do on this earth. And it can be really hard to wait for God to send that person.
One of the hardest things for me to accept has been that I am not promised a spouse. I'm still not sure if I have accepted the fact that Mr. Right may never come. It's something that I have always assumed would happen. Getting married has always been in my plan. But I don't know if it is in God's plan or not. All I can do is trust and wait.
Monday, November 15, 2010
What's in it for me?
When I first started this blog, I wrote a post titled "Generation Lost" about the generation of twenty-somethings that seem so scarce in our churches. I have never understood how people that were raised in church can just quit going.
I used to blame it on the fact that a lot of churches spoon-feed their young people with cool videos, special services, rocking music and all sorts of special events all through their youth. My generation has definitely been pampered. We haven't had to spend much time at all worrying about ministering to others. Instead, we were always being ministered to. Not that youth ministry is bad - I work in youth ministry at my church and I think it is a great thing. But we have to be careful not to get our kids into a "What's in it for me?" mindset. I think that a lot of young adults are so used to going to church for the cool youth events and for fellowship with their friends that they miss what it's really all about - worshiping the Lord and encouraging other believers in their walk with Christ.
So when kids graduate out of the youth group and are no longer constantly entertained by cool classes and events, a lot of them leave. They seek out the church that will give them what they want - an awesome band, or a coffee bar, or whatever the newest trend is. They go church hopping asking, "What's in it for me?" until they just drop out all together.
I have recently watched the small group of twenty-somethings at the church I currently attend disappear. It's not that anyone completely stopped going to church or pulled away from God, but some found new churches, others moved for school and some only make it every now and then. It's discouraging to sit in a Sunday school class as the only student. And my teacher and I have no idea how to encourage people to come for our "College and Career" class on Sundays. People my age that are single and in school or working just don't seem interested in church unless it's convenient or it offers them something they want. They all want to know, "What's in it for me?"
Although I know that church is not all about me, I have to admit I have been asking myself "What's in it for me?" more often lately. And I can honestly say that I understand how so many young adults end up discouraged and just stop coming to church.
It's not that I feel unwelcome in my congregation. The people at my church are encouraging and fun to be around and always willing to lend a hand if they can. They have welcomed me with open arms and have allowed me to minister to the young people of our church through our Wednesday night program and programs like UPWARD Basketball and Cheerleading. There are plenty of things that I can be involved in, and I enjoy the opportunities that I have there.
My problem is not that there's not a place for me to minister. My problem is not that there's not a place for me to worship. My problem - and I think the problem for a lot of twenty-somethings that are not married yet and still a little uncertain about their futures - is that there's no one else like me at my church.
Now, I know that I shouldn't base my church attendance of the attendance of others. I can almost hear my mother saying, "If so-and-so jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?" But it can be hard to be faithful when you feel like you're doing it all alone.
It's like no one knows what to do with me. I'm not married, so I can't be in the Young Married class. I can go in the Adult Class, as long as I don't mind hanging out with my parents and their friends. I could probably crash the teen class, but I'd better be prepared to hear about all the high school drama that I was so glad to escape years ago. There's just no good solution for the one person that doesn't fit in anywhere. I can't and don't expect the church to build a class around me. Besides, I would be the only one in it, and that wouldn't solve anything.
So, as much as I hate to do it, I have to ask, "What's in it for me?" How can the church minister to people like me? How does the church handle people that don't fit in?
I wish that I knew. Because even though I know that my church family loves me and wants what's best for me, I can't help but feeling like the leper that's hanging out by the gate. I'm constantly the "sore thumb" of the group - the oldest, or the youngest, or the third wheel, or the only one without kids, or the last poor soul that can't seem to get married, or the one that doesn't have a house of her own yet... the list goes on and on.
So for now, I just have to trust God. Sometimes I get caught up in the things that I don't have (like a husband and family of my own, for example). During those times, I have to remember that God has blessed me in different ways and that He has a reason for keeping those things from me at this point in my life.
In her book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, Lysa TerKeurst wrote, "Whenever I get an overly idyllic view of someone else's circumstances, I often remind myself out loud, 'I am not equipped to handle what they have - both good and bad.'" That's something I am working on. It's coming about slowly, but I'm working on it.
I am also working on taking my "What's in it for me?" and turning it into "What does God want to teach me through this?" That's coming about rather slowly, too. But when God allows us to go through struggles, rest assured that He has something in it for us.
So what is in it for me? What is God trying to teach me?
1. "...But we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope; and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Romans 5:3-5 - Patience is a virtue, and I don't possess it yet.
2. "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Ephesians 4:29 - Um, ouch.
3. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 - Something good will come out of this struggle someday. Maybe I'll be the one that figures out how to make this twenty-something ministry work in my church. Who knows? Oh, wait... God does.
4. "There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she my please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:34 - He's still working on me, and without the distractions of marriage and family responsibilites I can better focus on His Word.
5. "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common unto man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 - When I am tempted to skip Sunday school and stay under the covers for an extra hour, I have to remember that God has provided me with so much through this church and that He has a purpose for me there. Even though things might not be perfect right now, God is faithful and He will make a place for me to learn, grow and worship.
6. "Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular. And God hath set some in the church, first apostles, secondarily prophets, thirdly teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, governments, diversities of tongues. Are all apostles? are all prophets? are all teachers? are all workers of miracles? Have all the gifts of healing? do all speak with tongues? do all interpret? But covet earnestly the best gifts: and yet shew I unto you a more excellent way." 1 Corinthians 12:27-31 - I am a part of the body of Christ and it is my duty to do my part. God has called me to a purpose that is just for me, and if I am faithful He will bless my efforts.
7. "Nevertheless God, that comforteth those that are cast down, comforted us..." 2 Corinthians 7:6 - Didn't I say earlier that it was hard to be faithful when you feel alone? Well, guess what? I'm not alone after all. God can and will comfort me in my time of need.
8. "But he that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord. For not he that commendeth himself is approved, but whom the Lord commendeth." 2 Corinthians 10:17-18 - It's not about me.
9. "Grace be unto you and peace from God the Father, and from our Lord Jesus Christ, Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father: To whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Galatians 1:3-5 - It's not about me.
10. "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 - It's not about me.
11. "For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:26-28 - I am a child of God. And it's not about me. (Am I the only one seeing a theme here?)
12. "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, it we faint not." Galatians 6:9 - My discouragement over my lack of peers in my church may get me down, but I must continue to be faithful.
13. "And the aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." Titus 2:3-5 - I should take this time in classes with my elders to soak up their wisdom and learn how to be a godly woman.
14. "Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 2 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - Enough said, don't you think?
15. "Let no man despise thy youth: but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. Neglect not the gift that is in thee...meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them, that thy profiting my appear to all." 1 Timothy 4:12-15 - It's hard to ask "What's in it for me?" after reading that verse. I have to be an example for others! If I quit, there's a generation behind me that might do the same.
16. "Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ." 2 Timothy 2:3 - I have to be loyal to Christ in all circumstances.
17. "I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8 - It's all about Him.
18. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16 - So what's in it for me? Jesus. And He's enough.
I used to blame it on the fact that a lot of churches spoon-feed their young people with cool videos, special services, rocking music and all sorts of special events all through their youth. My generation has definitely been pampered. We haven't had to spend much time at all worrying about ministering to others. Instead, we were always being ministered to. Not that youth ministry is bad - I work in youth ministry at my church and I think it is a great thing. But we have to be careful not to get our kids into a "What's in it for me?" mindset. I think that a lot of young adults are so used to going to church for the cool youth events and for fellowship with their friends that they miss what it's really all about - worshiping the Lord and encouraging other believers in their walk with Christ.
So when kids graduate out of the youth group and are no longer constantly entertained by cool classes and events, a lot of them leave. They seek out the church that will give them what they want - an awesome band, or a coffee bar, or whatever the newest trend is. They go church hopping asking, "What's in it for me?" until they just drop out all together.
I have recently watched the small group of twenty-somethings at the church I currently attend disappear. It's not that anyone completely stopped going to church or pulled away from God, but some found new churches, others moved for school and some only make it every now and then. It's discouraging to sit in a Sunday school class as the only student. And my teacher and I have no idea how to encourage people to come for our "College and Career" class on Sundays. People my age that are single and in school or working just don't seem interested in church unless it's convenient or it offers them something they want. They all want to know, "What's in it for me?"
Although I know that church is not all about me, I have to admit I have been asking myself "What's in it for me?" more often lately. And I can honestly say that I understand how so many young adults end up discouraged and just stop coming to church.
It's not that I feel unwelcome in my congregation. The people at my church are encouraging and fun to be around and always willing to lend a hand if they can. They have welcomed me with open arms and have allowed me to minister to the young people of our church through our Wednesday night program and programs like UPWARD Basketball and Cheerleading. There are plenty of things that I can be involved in, and I enjoy the opportunities that I have there.
My problem is not that there's not a place for me to minister. My problem is not that there's not a place for me to worship. My problem - and I think the problem for a lot of twenty-somethings that are not married yet and still a little uncertain about their futures - is that there's no one else like me at my church.
Now, I know that I shouldn't base my church attendance of the attendance of others. I can almost hear my mother saying, "If so-and-so jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?" But it can be hard to be faithful when you feel like you're doing it all alone.
It's like no one knows what to do with me. I'm not married, so I can't be in the Young Married class. I can go in the Adult Class, as long as I don't mind hanging out with my parents and their friends. I could probably crash the teen class, but I'd better be prepared to hear about all the high school drama that I was so glad to escape years ago. There's just no good solution for the one person that doesn't fit in anywhere. I can't and don't expect the church to build a class around me. Besides, I would be the only one in it, and that wouldn't solve anything.
So, as much as I hate to do it, I have to ask, "What's in it for me?" How can the church minister to people like me? How does the church handle people that don't fit in?
I wish that I knew. Because even though I know that my church family loves me and wants what's best for me, I can't help but feeling like the leper that's hanging out by the gate. I'm constantly the "sore thumb" of the group - the oldest, or the youngest, or the third wheel, or the only one without kids, or the last poor soul that can't seem to get married, or the one that doesn't have a house of her own yet... the list goes on and on.
So for now, I just have to trust God. Sometimes I get caught up in the things that I don't have (like a husband and family of my own, for example). During those times, I have to remember that God has blessed me in different ways and that He has a reason for keeping those things from me at this point in my life.
In her book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl, Lysa TerKeurst wrote, "Whenever I get an overly idyllic view of someone else's circumstances, I often remind myself out loud, 'I am not equipped to handle what they have - both good and bad.'" That's something I am working on. It's coming about slowly, but I'm working on it.
I am also working on taking my "What's in it for me?" and turning it into "What does God want to teach me through this?" That's coming about rather slowly, too. But when God allows us to go through struggles, rest assured that He has something in it for us.
So what is in it for me? What is God trying to teach me?
1. "...But we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope; and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Romans 5:3-5 - Patience is a virtue, and I don't possess it yet.
2. "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." Ephesians 4:29 - Um, ouch.
3. "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 - Something good will come out of this struggle someday. Maybe I'll be the one that figures out how to make this twenty-something ministry work in my church. Who knows? Oh, wait... God does.
4. "There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she my please her husband." 1 Corinthians 7:34 - He's still working on me, and without the distractions of marriage and family responsibilites I can better focus on His Word.
5. "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common unto man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 - When I am tempted to skip Sunday school and stay under the covers for an extra hour, I have to remember that God has provided me with so much through this church and that He has a purpose for me there. Even though things might not be perfect right now, God is faithful and He will make a place for me to learn, grow and worship.
6. "Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular. And God hath set some in the church, first apostles, secondarily prophets, thirdly teachers, after that miracles, then gifts of healings, helps, governments, diversities of tongues. Are all apostles? are all prophets? are all teachers? are all workers of miracles? Have all the gifts of healing? do all speak with tongues? do all interpret? But covet earnestly the best gifts: and yet shew I unto you a more excellent way." 1 Corinthians 12:27-31 - I am a part of the body of Christ and it is my duty to do my part. God has called me to a purpose that is just for me, and if I am faithful He will bless my efforts.
7. "Nevertheless God, that comforteth those that are cast down, comforted us..." 2 Corinthians 7:6 - Didn't I say earlier that it was hard to be faithful when you feel alone? Well, guess what? I'm not alone after all. God can and will comfort me in my time of need.
8. "But he that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord. For not he that commendeth himself is approved, but whom the Lord commendeth." 2 Corinthians 10:17-18 - It's not about me.
9. "Grace be unto you and peace from God the Father, and from our Lord Jesus Christ, Who gave himself for our sins, that he might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of God and our Father: To whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen." Galatians 1:3-5 - It's not about me.
10. "I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20 - It's not about me.
11. "For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus." Galatians 3:26-28 - I am a child of God. And it's not about me. (Am I the only one seeing a theme here?)
12. "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, it we faint not." Galatians 6:9 - My discouragement over my lack of peers in my church may get me down, but I must continue to be faithful.
13. "And the aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." Titus 2:3-5 - I should take this time in classes with my elders to soak up their wisdom and learn how to be a godly woman.
14. "Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 2 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - Enough said, don't you think?
15. "Let no man despise thy youth: but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. Till I come, give attendance to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. Neglect not the gift that is in thee...meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them, that thy profiting my appear to all." 1 Timothy 4:12-15 - It's hard to ask "What's in it for me?" after reading that verse. I have to be an example for others! If I quit, there's a generation behind me that might do the same.
16. "Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ." 2 Timothy 2:3 - I have to be loyal to Christ in all circumstances.
17. "I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the ending, saith the Lord, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8 - It's all about Him.
18. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16 - So what's in it for me? Jesus. And He's enough.
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